The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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