About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pop tarts are not kleenex
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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