I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
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SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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