Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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