Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
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Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
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Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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