the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
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Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
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Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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