you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
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Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
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OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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