fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
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I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
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doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
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