At least make sure they are 18
Why
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
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he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
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this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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