My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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