well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
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I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
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Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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