it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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