Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize