at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
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My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
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Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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