i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
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I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
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Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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