People in love make me want to vomit
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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