Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
well you can't waste a boner
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
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Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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