This girl is more easily done than said...
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
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I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
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I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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