watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
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you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
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Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
My feet surprised me
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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