She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
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I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
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I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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