Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I need to align my fucking chakras
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