; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
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If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
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No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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