im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize