I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
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Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
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Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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