Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
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you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
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I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
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