Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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