proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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