dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
you win again, gameday.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
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He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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