you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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