i was born a porn star she said
I cut my penus on the lid.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
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Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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