I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize