I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
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