His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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