Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
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She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
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it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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