I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize