Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
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If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
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I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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