When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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