i think my mom watched the whole time
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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