awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
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IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
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There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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