I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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