Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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