i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
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