Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize