Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
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She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
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You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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