How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
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vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
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you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize