you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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