i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
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I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
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I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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