Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
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All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
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I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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