can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
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I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
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He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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