it hurts more in the daytime
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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